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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 07:41
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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 07:41
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
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They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
I am not young enough to know everything.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I am not young enough to know everything.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
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Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/13/(Fri) 08:10
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